This past week Judy & I got to watch two of our grandchildren (Ellie & Evan) while their parents went on a trip. We were reminded of the difficulty of rearing children. Don’t get me wrong – we LOVED it! But it is definitely work.
Being a parent has always been challenging, but today’s society makes it even more difficult to be a godly parent. I think being a Christian parent is the toughest job in the world.
I was fortunate to have wonderful parents. However, many today are trying to be moms and dads and have a very distorted understanding of what they are supposed to do because of what they see on TV, movies, and even growing up.
I have collected a few suggestions for being a godly parent. I hope they may help you or someone you know in the responsibility of being a godly parent of godly children.
1. The rules should be clearly defined at an early age.
Let children know what they can and cannot do as early as possible. Well defined expectations will help children live in a secure environment. One of the problems of school children today is lack of structure at home. This carries over into the classroom and in society in general.
2. Expect rigid adherence to the rules.
If the curfew is 11:00 pm, don’t allow your teen to be home at 11:01 pm. It is very confusing for children and teens to live in an environment where the rules are sometimes enforced and sometimes not. One hint: James Dobson of Focus on the Family suggests making fewer rules, but making these rules absolutely enforced.
3. Strict punishment should be given when the rules are broken.
The punishment should be worse than the reward is good. A child should always be taught that doing wrong is a bad deal and the punishment should always make the fun for doing the wrong not worth it. If a teen can stay out an hour late and get nothing but a scolding, he will decide that another hour with his girlfriend is worth twice the scolding. However, if being an hour late keeps him from going out with his girlfriend for a week, he will be on time from then on.
4. Keep the communication line open between parent and child.
It should always be understood that the child can talk to the parent. Questions about life should be directed to the parent. The child should feel that Mom and Dad are always interested in his/her problems and always willing to talk about them. I found that just before bed is a good time to listen. Children are wanting to stay up past bed time and are willing to talk to stay up a few minutes later and talk. In addition, the days events seem to come to our mind as we end our day. Just sit at the end of the bed of your child/teen and see what conversations come out.
Now that my children are out of the house, I am comforted to know that any of my children can come and talk to me about anything. They want to visit us and want us to visit them. It wasn’t always that way growing up. Being the parent is not as fun as being the friend. But if you will be the parent when the children are in the house, you will become their closest friend when they are out of the house. I should know – when I got married I asked my dad if he would be my best man. He was the one man I loved and trusted more than anyone.
What lesson have you learned about being a godly parent?
See other article: What does the Bible says about spanking?
Yes it is one of the hardest and most rewarding things one can accomplish. Here are the top 10 things we learned along the way:
1) Not only should the punishment be strict, it should fit the crime. For example if your teen driver violates a rule with the car then he should lose diving privileges. If he/she brakes curfew then no friends for a period of time. Possibly if they are late 15 minutes the next curfew get moved up by 30 minutes etc. If they are listening to songs with bad lyrics then sit down with the lyrics and make them read them to you in person out loud. Just find creative ways to get the point across with the punishment.
2) Administer any punishment out of love and not anger with logical and rational explanation. Don’t get caught in anger or react. This is a hard one.
3) Realize your kids are not perfect and they are going to make mistakes, if you handle the smaller ones correctly you hopefully avoid them making larger life changing mistakes along the way.
4) Know your kids well enough to know when they are not telling the truth. Know what type of praise or punishment works and what doesn’t. What works with one will not work with the other so family rules/punishments sometimes have to be indivualized by each child.
5) Better have a good sense of humor along the way, be fairly thick skinned , and not be overly sensitive when words are said in anger in those teen years .
6) Do not allow disrespect to you and your spouse and don’t disrespect them either. For example don’t administer punishment in front of their friends.
7) Talk about Gods commandments and biblical standards at times that are not during punishment , when its natural and doesn’t become a lecture. They need to reaize the stadndard is Gods way to protect us not beat us on the head when we have done something wrong.Staying under God’s protection of authority is a lifetime lesson. Hopefully, that translates to making better decisions when mom and dad are not around and they have to make decisions on there own.
8) Admit it to your children when you blew it as a parent and ask their forgiveness. For example if you reacted in anger to a situation later go to your child and tell them clearly what they did was wrong but how you reacted was also wrong and ask forgiveness.
9) Consistency is perhaps the hardest thing to do especially when your children are younger, sometimes they just wear you down or your tired. To be inconsistent sends mixed signals to your child.
10) The Mom and Dad job is a life time one even when out on there own they still will come back for advice , need encouragement , or some type of feedback. The pleasure comes in watching your children make good decsions.
Excellent thoughts, Rick. I remember when one of our teens wanted to go see a movie with their friends. We sat down and saw the internet review with all the questionable speech and situations. They decided not to go see it. It would have been much easier to say, “You’re not going because I said.” But to let them see why helped in the long run and make the choice on their own.
I just wanted to add to Rick’s list…
11) As parents you must always show a united front, i.e., you must be on the same page in terms of parenting. If you don’t, your children will divide and conquer which means that no one wins.
12) Never threaten punishments unless you truly intend to follow through. For example, kids know that they will never be “grounded for life”. Think through what you are saying and make sure it is something you can live with (even if it is inconvenient for you).
13) Remember that there are no entitlements for children. Just because they turn a magic number like 16 doesn’t mean they are entitled to a driver’s license or the use of your car; you are the parent and those decisions are yours to make. You must be sure that your child has maturity to handle the responsibility of getting behind the wheel. Begin early teaching your children that trust is something that must be earned over time.
14) Your job as parents is to work yourself out of a job. As your children grow their responsibilities should increase and their dependence on you should decrease.
15) Every stage has its joys and frustrations. Treasure and enjoy every one of them for they will be gone before you know it and you will never get that time back.
Wow! Sounds like you & Rick have learned some valuable lessons that are priceless. I hope others will listen. Thanks!