Most everybody has had someone gossip about them. And, most everybody has done a little gossip about someone else. I guess we think it’s part of normal living.
There’s something exhilarating about knowing something negative or personal about someone else that drives us to share it with someone else. But when you’re on the receiving end, it’s not a fun drive. It’s embarrassing and hurtful and difficult to know how to respond without adding fuel to the fire.
Often people gossip and don’t even know they’re doing it. For instance, a person posts on Facebook about a confrontation they had with another person. Or a situation has occurred and the details are shared with others as a “for your information” conversation but they are not part of the solution. Or a ‘prayer request’ goes beyond what is acceptable and gets into details that are not appropriate to share. As a pastor, I have had people tell me about situations involving other people because they think it my duty to confront their faults. This is not just a pastor’s responsibility, helping others is the responsibility of all of us (explanation later).
The dictionary definition of gossip is: idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. People often think it okay to talk about others as long as its true. Or that its okay to talk about others as long as they’ve talked to them first.
It is sometimes difficult to see a gossip in the mirror. But it is easy to see gossip in others. The Golden Rule comes into play here. Would you want someone telling others if it were you? …even if it were true? …even if they’ve talked with you first?
What do you do if someone is gossiping about you?
I always try to go back to the Bible to help me know what to do about a situation.So let’s do a little Bible study…
Reaction #1: Prayer & Forgiveness.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13).
The first step in any encounter with wrong doing is Prayer and Forgiveness.
God often places His children in situations so they can pray for and example His forgiveness to others. If you are involved in a ‘situation’ it may be because God wants you to be the ‘point person’ in helping. If God wanted someone else to help, He would have allowed them to be involved. But it’s you. So start praying for that person and/or situation.
“Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Our love for others should extend to the point that we forgive them for any hurt or damage they have made to us or others. I have often found that as I pray for someone, I am more compassionate to them. Jesus even commanded us to “Pray for your enemies” (Matthew 5:44).
So, the first response is to pray and forgive. As Elsa has said, “Let it go!”
Reaction #2: Confrontation.
But I’m not Jesus and sometimes my love for others isn’t strong enough to let it go. What do I do when I just can’t forgive and forget?
I believe Paul has an inspired command. “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). In a passage surrounded by relationship advice, Paul tells us that if your emotions are so strong about a situation that you can’t sleep, you need to deal with it quickly. My practical advice is… if you’re thinking about it through the night, you’ve got to deal with it.
Sadly, many people deal with this pressure by posting on the internet or talking to their friends. But the Bible gives some specific steps to deal with it.
What should a person do about someone’s negative trait or action? Matthew 18:15-17 has 3 steps…
- … point out their fault just between the two of you.
- … take one or two others along.
- … tell it to the church.
If you notice, at no time is a person’s fault to be shared without that person being present. And remember, the whole reason for confronting someone is to restore them. Or, it may even be that you were quick to judge and will need to seek forgiveness from others.
This process even helps with gossip. What do you do when someone is saying things about you that are untrue? Or they’re spreading negative truths about you to others who should not be in the conversation?
First, Pray for them and forgive them. This isn’t a one time prayer. I actually have a list of a few people that I pray for every day. Honestly, I pray for them so I don’t develop a negative attitude.
Second, if it still bothers you, you need to confront them. Talk to them privately. Face-to-face is best, but a phone call or other connection is better than none to start the conversation. If that doesn’t work, bring someone else in on the conversation so you can gain wisdom. Your relationship with others is too valuable to let anything divide you.
I hope this helps. Remember, though others may be spreading negative things about you on Earth, your Savior, Jesus Christ, is talking positively to the Father in Heaven.
Read some of my similar posts: How to Respond to Evil,