Robert Putnam in his classic book, Bowling Alone, identifies the number one need in America today. He calls loneliness the new American epidemic. It’s interesting, isn’t it?
Never in the history of the world have people been able to communicate as much and, yet, be as connected so little. We have email, voicemail, Blackberry, iPhone, fax, videoconference, Facebook, Twitter. If you want to communicate you can. And, yet, people are disconnected.
Last year, more people committed suicide, than there were homicides in America. Now, think of that. These were people who gave up and concluded that life wasn’t worth living. They were so alone or depressed. Among men, they say that less than 10 percent of all the men in America have a true best friend, another man that they can really share a life with. I mean, they can drink a couple beers and watch a ballgame or play some golf or hit some tennis balls. But when it gets down to the real life, less than 1 out of 10 men in America have a true friend.
Unfortunately, in our city, across America and often around the world, in the place where God designed for authentic community, it isn’t happening. They walk into a room. They sing some songs. They sit down. They listen. They get up. They walk out alone. And we call it church. That’s the experience of the great majority of Americans.
I’d like to dig in the Bible with you and learn from a couple of Old Testament characters – Jonathan & David – who model for us what authentic community really looks like and how to experience it.
1. Make Friendship a Priority
“And Jonathan made a special vow to be David’s friend.” 1 Samuel 18:3
• Intentional pursuit – In order to have a friend, you need to be a friend. Make the effort, take the initiative.
• Intentional commitment – Jonathan was committed to David and verbalized it. It’s a powerful thing to tell someone you consider them a real friend.
2. Have my Back
“Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt”. 1 Samuel 18:4 (NIV)
• The sign of commitment and loyalty Jonathan made by giving David his robe, tunic, sword, bow and belt.
Evidences of a loyal friend:
- 1. You come to their defense. “Saul told his son Jonathan and all the attendants to kill David. But Jonathan was very fond of David and warned him, “My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there.” 1 Samuel 19:1-2
- 2. You speak well of them when they are not around. “Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly.” 1 Samuel 19:4
3. Will be There for Me
“Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.” 1 Samuel 20:4 (NIV)
• A real friend is there in times of crisis.
• A real friend is absolutely honest with you (even if it hurts or threatens the friendship).
“’As for you, show kindness to your servant, for you have brought him into a covenant with you before the LORD. If I am guilty, then kill me yourself! Why hand me over to your father?’ ‘Never!’Jonathan said. “If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn’t I tell you?’” 1 Samuel 20:8-9 (NIV)
4. Draw Me Closer to God
“And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.” 1 Samuel 23:16 (NIV)
David’s running for his life and he spends about a decade dodging spears and hiding in caves and living on this promise, “God said I was going to be the king. God said I was going to be the king. I don’t feel like a king. I don’t feel like a king.” During one of those down times, Jonathan meets him and encourages him to stay strong in his faith to God.
- Don’t be afraid to be spiritual with your friend. Sometimes there are times when you have a friend say, “Let’s pray right now.” Sometimes it’s nice to hear a friend say, “I was thinking about you and this verse came to mind.”
- You’re number one goal in your friendship is to help your friend become a better Christian every day in every way. Help them trust God. Help them obey His Word. Help them do the right thing. Help them realize He’s in control. Help them realize He’s going to come through. That’s the #1 goal of your friendship.
What do you think are some key characteristics of a true friend?
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