Divorce is not okay. It is sometimes justifiable, more often it is inevitable; but it is most certainly not okay.
The issue of divorce and remarriage is a difficult subject to come to a Biblical conclusion. First, there are a limited number of Scripture passages that deal with divorce and remarriage. And in some cases, they are not easily interpreted. Second, the issues involved are very complex. There is not just one simple approach which immediately answers all of the questions or solves all of the problems that arise in a marriage relationship. Third, because of the uniqueness of the one-flesh relationship in marriage, emotions are deeply involved, and often thinking is governed by feelings rather than the Word of God. So, this subject is a difficult one.
Jesus was confronted with this issue in Mark 10:1-12. I hope you will read this passage, along with Matthew 19:1-12. Jesus did not shy away from controversial issues. So, I hope my words will help you understand this difficult subject.
Below are some practical conclusions I have discovered from Jesus’ interaction with the Pharisees and His disciples about the subject of divorce.
Divorce is not an issue, it is a death.
The Pharisees used the divorce issue to ‘tempt’ Jesus into saying something that would get Him in trouble. They were hoping to force Jesus into a corner so His answer would divide His followers. It might even anger Herod, who had John the Baptist arrested and eventually killed because he preached against his divorce. Even today, divorce is often just an issue that Christians argue over.
But when a marriage fails, it’s more than just an issue. It’s a tragedy. Too often, the church thinks the proper response is to point the finger of blame, to decide exactly how much fault lies with each party. But for those personally involved, it is horrible.
My marriage to Judy has not been perfect. But our marriage been such smooth sailing, relatively speaking, that my heart really goes out to people who have had to cope with the fact that their closest, most personal of all relationships has gone sour. A husband or wife is supposed to be the person who is our refuge against the storms of life. They are to comfort us, help us cope with all the garbage that life just naturally throws at us. When that relationship is part of what’s wrong with one’s life, it can be overwhelming. And that is precisely why we must remember that God does indeed hate divorce (Malachi 2:16), but He does not hate divorced people.
Divorce is not God’s ideal, lifelong commitment is.
It is clear, as Jesus took the religious leaders back to the original intention of marriage, that there was to be no divorce in God’s plan. Marriage was to be a lifelong commitment of one man to one woman.
Many marriages end because men (and women) fail to leave their parents behind. Two words are used: “Leave” is a very strong word meaning to forsake. “Cleave” means to glue or cement. Two become one. Marriage is the deepest intimacy possible in earthly relationships. No longer two, but one.
In marriage, God combines two lives into one. Only great pain, loss, wreckage, and ruin can result from trying to separate what God has forged together. Jesus didn’t say it can’t be separated, but it shouldn’t be separated.
Divorce is permitted under certain conditions.
Jesus and the Pharisees discuss the Old Testament issues of ‘putting away’ and ‘divorce’ found in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. It appears that husbands were separating from their wives (put away) and leaving them stranded with no protection. So, rather than forbid divorce, God told husbands to divorce their wife so she was free to marry another to provide for her needs. Divorce is not mandatory, but it is permitted. And with the permission to divorce, is the permission to remarry (only in the Lord – 1 Corinthians 7:39).
Jesus’ commentary on this issue was that unless the reason for the divorce was for adultery (Matthew 19:9), to remarry was to commit adultery. In addition, God’s Word states that desertion is acceptable grounds for divorce (1 Corinthians 7:15). My personal belief is that divorce ends the marriage relationship and is not a sin if initiated by the spouse’s sexual unfaithfulness or desertion. Those who view all divorce as sin will have a problem with God, because God has divorced Israel (Jeremiah 3:8).
Divorce, if a sin, is forgiveable.
Divorce is not the ideal. It is a divine concession to human sin and weakness. God hates divorce! But we must realize that if someone divorces and remarries within Biblical guidelines, it is not sin, though it is due to sin. We must mourn every divorce!
But even if the divorce was a sin, it can be forgiven. Even if the person is the one who committed adultery or deserted their spouse, the grace of God can remove the guilt.
As I said, my heart goes out to people in these situations. Just as in many other areas, we are called by God, in this area of divorce, to both uphold and strive for a biblical understanding of marriage. It’s a special relationship, unlike all other earthly relationships. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly nor dissolved on a whim. In fact, Jesus says that ideally it should last until death. We have to uphold that ideal, because the Bible teaches it.
However, at same the time, we are called to enthusiastically embrace those touched by the terrible pain of divorce. Sometimes we need to urge repentance by the guilty party, or forgiveness by the one who was wronged, but we’ll always need to be extenders of God’s grace. The fact is that we must always, always remember is that He is the God of Second Chances and we can all start over again with Him. It is never too late for God to salvage our lives.
Will you show compassion to someone who has been divorced or going through divorce?
You can read some of my other articles about marriage: The Best Guarantee for a Happy Marriage, The Best Advise I Ever Got on Marriage, 8 Romantic Dates Inspired by Song of Solomon.