One of the hardest things to do is forgive.  I believe the ability to forgive can only be obtained by an experience of being forgiven.  Hurting someone is serious. Luke 17 opens up with one of the most unforgivable sins – hurting an innocent child.  We often read in the newspaper or hear on a news report of the abuse, abduction, or harsh treatment of an adult to a child. My reaction is one of anger, disgust, and revenge.  It’s one thing to hurt an adult, but to do something to a child is almost beyond understanding.

Even though we may classify some sins as worse than others, every sin hurts someone. God takes every sin seriously because every sin destroys lives and relationships. Jesus reminds us that we live in a world in which sin is going to happen – publicly and personally. I’m going to hurt others and others are going to hurt me. But “woe unto him, through whom they come.”

So how should sin be handled?

1. Confront

When someone hurts us, we should not let it go unnoticed. It will not only effect us, it will effect the one who has hurt us.  We should lovingly confront (rebuke) the person.  We do not need to bring up every disagreement. I usually use the principle that if I can’t get it out of my head at night, it needs to be confronted (“let not the sun go down upon your wrath” – Ephesians 4:26).  Matthew 18:15-20 reminds us that we should first give a private rebuke (“…tell him his fault between thee and him alone…”). Our tendency might be to feel hurt down inside, nurse a grudge, and then tell others what happened. But first we must talk to them privately. If they will not admit wrong, we must bring someone with us. If there is no repentance, we must bring it up before the church. Our aim is not to embarrass or hurt the offender  but encourage repentance.

2. Forgive.

If the one who has hurt us does repent, we must forgive (Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 5:43-48).  Repentance is more than simply saying “I’m sorry.”  It involves a change of mind that produces a change of behavior. An important part of repentance is restitution. The best way you can tell if someone has truly repented is if they offer evidence by making restitution.  We are commanded to forgive sin.

Through the years I’ve heard Christians say, “I’ll never forgive him for what he did to me.”  That’s dangerous because Jesus said, “…if you do not forgive men their sins your Father will not forgive you”  (Matthew 6:14-15).  The only person who can afford the luxury of unforgiveness is the person who doesn’t need to be forgiven. We should always be ready to forgive others, for one day we may want them to forgive us.

3. Keep Forgiving.

What if he does it again?  Few things make me more angry than a person who does the same mean things over and over again. But Jesus says, if a person hurts us seven times in a day, and seven times repents, we are to “forgive him.”  We must be in the habit of forgiving.  In Matthew 18:21-22 Jesus tells Peter we must be prepared not only to forgive seven times in a day, we must be willing to forgive 490 times.  We should offer full and complete forgiveness – not just once, but many times.

Forgiveness is not a feeling or an emotion – it is a choice. The Greek word for forgiveness is aphemi, meaning ‘to cancel the debt’ or ‘set one forever free from the obligation.’  When a person truly forgives another, they give up the right to hold a grudge.  Our forgiveness should be a reflection of the forgiveness God offers us.

This is nearly impossible. And we might have expected the disciples to respond to Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness with “Increase our love!”  But they wanted Him to “Increase our faith” (Luke 17:5).  Though love is important to forgive, faith is even more important.  It takes faith to forgive others. Our forgiveness shows that we are trusting God to take care of the consequences, handle the possible misunderstandings, and work everything out for our good and His glory.

We don’t forgive others because they deserve it. We don’t even forgive others because we love them. We are to forgive others for the same reason God forgives us – for Jesus’ sake. That’s where faith comes in.  “And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgive you” (Ephesians 4:32).