What do you do when the love is gone in a relationship? This happens in a marriage, a family, a friendship, and in our Christian life. We still go through the motions of a relationship, but there’s no passion. I heard it said, ‘The furnace is still there, but the fire has gone out.’
This happened to the church in Ephesus. In his personal letter, Jesus commended them for many positive qualities: hard work, patience, doctrinal purity, and good morals. But one thing was negative.
“Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works…” (Revelation 2:4-5)
Though they were great in many areas, they neglected the most important area – Love. This ‘love’ is not explained. So, it could be love for the Lord, or love for one another, or love for the unbelievers, or love in general. They serve without love.
Like Martha, they had become so engrossed in religious work that they neglected the ‘one thing needed’ (Luke 10:42). It is possible to serve the Lord for a variety of reasons: praise of others, position, reputation, it’s the thing to do, or a sense of duty. However, no amount of labor or loyalty can make up for a deficit in Christian love (1 Corinthians 13:2-3).
So, how can you get your love back? Jesus tells presents three stages to getting the love back…
Remember.
Go back to the place of departure. Remember when the love was there. For a marriage, it may be the wedding or honeymoon. I often encourage couples to watch the video or go through the picture book of the wedding. For a Christian, it’s good to rehearse the day God saved your soul. Remember when your love for Jesus was all you had. Spiritual defection often begins with forgetting what was once known.
Repent.
This is the key stage. When we realize we have drifted away from the love we once had, we need to admit we are at fault. Repent is a change of mind that results in a change of behavior. Too often in dealing with a marriage problem, nobody wants to admit fault (unless they can cast blame on the other). To return to the love you had you must admit you have done something wrong.
If you notice, the Ephesian church didn’t ‘lose’ their first love… they ‘left’ their first love. There was a deliberate choice. Possibly they disobeyed the Lord (John 15:10) or maybe they over-emphasized works rather than loving Jesus. Maybe they allowed some other love to become “first love.” Maybe their love for Jesus was now second, or third. Whatever it was, they needed to repent.
Do.
This is where you put action to your decisions. Because even if you realize and admit you don’t have the love you should have, that will not automatically get the love back. How do you get that love feeling to return. You do what you did when the feeling was there.
For couples, I often tell them to go out on a date. Talk to each other the way you did when the love was at its hottest. Do those things you did when love was real and you will find that the love will come back.
For Christians, I encourage them to do what they did when they first became a Christian. I went to church every time the church was open. I hung out with Christians all the time. I read my Bible and went to Bible studies. I told everyone about Jesus.
It is strange, but I have found many Christians who are actually doing less now than they did when they first became Christians. They are going to church less, praying less, reading the Bible less, witnessing to others less. But to get the love back, you need to get back to doing the things you used to do.
Love for Jesus is such an important ingredient for a Christian. Because we love Him, we want to serve Him. Then after we serve Him for a while, we neglect our relationship with Him. We still serve Him, but we just go through the motions. Then we realize there’s no passion in our service anymore. So many just decide that rather than be a hypocrite, or serve out of mere duty, they will quit. Couples decide to run out on a good marriage because the love has grown cold. How foolish!
Love is like oil in a car engine. It makes the engine run smoothly. But when the oil gets low, the engine begins to break down and may become damaged. Make sure your love in your relationships is good. And if not, get the love back.
Trackbacks/Pingbacks