When I was a kid, we used to play ‘Battleship.’ Remember the game? Two players place little plastic boats on a hinged board. Then you take turns guessing their correct locations. If you get it right, it’s a “HIT.” The object is to sink all the boats of your opponent.
Sometimes this happens in a family. We say things or do things in innocence, then realize we’ve made a “HIT.” We’ve hurt the other person and the fight starts. We don’t understand how it happened, but we’re about to sink the other person. I’ve been in the middle of a family fight and came to the realization that I couldn’t remember how it started. Have you ever done that?
Maybe you can relate to the following events:
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’ And then the fight started. My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming Anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a scale. And then the fight started. My wife was getting dressed to go out and she asked if the dress she was wearing made her look fat. I said, ‘No. It’s all that ice cream you eat that makes you look fat.’ And then the fight started.
I found a video that shows men and women look at problems differently. It’s called: It’s Not About the Nail!
We don’t always know how the fight gets started, but what can we do to get it stopped. I always counsel young couples that they always carry 2 imaginary buckets – one filled with water, the other with gasoline. When you have a fight it’s like having a fire, you have to decide which bucket you’re going to use.
Ephesians 4:25-32 reminds us there are some things to do and some things not to do if we want to live a consistent, Christian life. These will help you when you’re in the middle of a fight.
1. Don’t Lie – Be Honest
“… putting away lying, speak every man truth…” (Ephesians 5:25)
For some reason we think that lying will get us out of trouble. Suppose Judy asked me to take out the trash but I forgot. Later, she asks me, ‘Did you remember to take out the trash?’ Now, if I say no, I’m in trouble. But, if I say yes, it gives me a little time to get it done and everything’s okay. Lying seems to helped me. But if I’m caught in a lie, I’m in BIG trouble. And if you’ve every been in BIG trouble, it can last a long time. It’s better to admit who you are (forgetful) and be honest than to lie and lose your integrity. Trust the truth.
2. Don’t get Angry – Have Self-Control
“… Be ye angry and sin not…” (Ephesians 5:26)
Anger itself is not sin, because even God can be angry. Anger is like a fire. It has some good uses, but if it ever gets out of control it will destroy everything. We had a church fire in 1996 that destroyed our entire building. Everything was gone. The only way we can keep our anger from damaging others is to have self-control According to Galatians 5:22-23, “temperance” (self-control) is a “fruit” (byproduct) of the Holy Spirit. Anger out of control is like gasoline on a fire. If you have trouble controlling this emotion, ask God to help you through His Spirit. Only a relationship with Jesus Christ will allow the Holy Spirit to develop the character qualities of love, joy, peace, long-suffering (patience), gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance in your life.
Tomorrow I will share three other actions that will help keep the peace in your family, school, work or friendships. Practice these two today and see if your day doesn’t go better.