The other day I was sitting at a table with some friends and the conversation just stopped. Awkward silence. I kept thinking of something to say… a conversation starter. Or at least something to stop the silence. But couldn’t think of a thing.
Silence can be great. You know you are with a true friend when it’s okay not to need to say anything. Just being with them is enough.
But sometimes you want to communicate… you need to communicate. I want to talk with the people I am around to show that I am interested in their life and care about them. But what do you say? What do you ask?
So after the meeting, I went home and started a list of questions I can ask to begin or continue a conversation. So the next time I’m in an environment and can’t think of something to say, I will just ask one of these questions.
These questions go beyond ‘How are you?’ but do not get too personal. I don’t want to get too in depth around a lunch table. However, in a later post, I will share my next set of questions to get personal with someone.
Below are five questions you can ask to start a conversation. After you’ve introduced yourself and gotten beyond the ‘What do you do?’ and ‘Tell me about your family?’ try these….
1- What’s on your mind?
This is my favorite question. It’s been called the ‘Goldilocks’ question because it’s not too much or too little. It lets the person decide what they want to talk about but it limits it to something that’s on their mind. They’ve already been thinking about it.
It’s a question that centers on what really matters to them because they’ve been thinking about it. It might be a problem, or situation, or something in the news.
And once you’ve asked the question, you never know the next part of the conversation. You might get to share something to help them or just let them talk about it to sort it out for themselves.
You know it’s a great question when it’s the one question Facebook asks you to post on your account. It’s the question that millions of people are asked every day. So why not ask it today?
2- What’s a good thing that happened today?
Have you ever been with someone who only wanted to talk about themselves? I think most of us have. The truth is that we all want to talk about ourselves, or at least what’s important to us. But we often don’t get the opportunity. This question gives someone an opportunity to talk about the good things in their life.
This is a good topic. Sometimes we only notice the negative things in our life. But this question will force someone to think about one thing that’s been good for the day. You can also expand this and ask what’s a good thing that’s happened this week.
3- What’s your biggest challenge?
This question focuses on the difficulties that people face. Just like people want to talk about themselves, people also like to gripe. Hopefully you won’t let this conversation turn into depressing moment. But it’s good to allow people to share what they are struggling with in life.
If you want to be more specific, you can ask the biggest challenge in particular areas. Try asking about the biggest challenge in their business, personal life, family, or church life. But I’ve found it best just to ask their biggest challenge and let them determine which area of life they want to talk about.
For me, my biggest challenges are often where my world’s converge. Like trying to find time for family and work. So just ask about their biggest challenge and see if you can find some solutions.
4- What else?
Even though this is not a stand-alone question, it’s a great question to ask to keep things going. It extends any conversation.
For instance, when you ask “What’s on your mind?” (Question #1), you will get in a conversation about whatever the person wants to discuss. However, when you follow this with “What else is on your mind?” you will enter a deeper conversation. It enters a not-so-obvious subject. “What else good happened today?” “What else is a challenge in your life?”
“What else?” will open up some of your best content. It helps you get beyond easy talk. It still does not get too personal because the person is free to bring up any subject. But it may lead to a deeper understanding of the other person.
It’s also a great question because it fits any situation. Even if you are dealing with very personal issues, asking this question will probe way down deep. So, go ahead and ask “What else?”
5- Follow up a good question with a great question.
Below you will find good questions and a follow-up great question.
Good: “How are you today?” Great: “What makes today fine?”
Good: “What do you do for a living?” Great: “What do you like best about your job?”
Good: “Tell me about your family?” Great: “What’s something you love to do with them?”
Good: “Where are you from?” Great: “What’s been your favorite place to live? Why?”
Good: “How’s your day going?” Great: “What’s been the high point so far?”
Good questions are important in any relationship. Make sure you have a few on the tip of your tongue so you can really connect with the people around you.
You can read some of my other similar articles: 4 Great Coaching Questions, 15 Questions to ask yourself when making a decision, Conversation Starters for Couples.